I have always battled with the definition of heaven and hell, and the concept of them both. I've never been able to see how I could someday be transformed into a spirit realm of either glorious nirvana or an eternity of pain and suffering. In theory it sounds like a great way to straighten out the idiots and petafiles out there. Yet that's where my discontent sits. How can someone as audacious as Ted Bundy be granted salvation, and someone that has lived a life taking immaculate care of there children, pass away and be ushered into the lake of fire because she didn't believe in Jesus. How self centered and evil must an all mighty creator be to have such possibilities be truth. It doesn't sit well with me knowing that it doesn't matter what you've done in life as long as you can show repentance at the end. Rape, pillage and murder as long as you stop and say your sorry? It's ok, lets change the law! Worked for Afghanistan, new bill passed recently allowing a husband to rape his wife, and marry children! [Google Shia Family Law] It's easy for me to be anti-God, but the hard part is dealing with the ones you love. Especially in my case having a whole family surrounded and raised on the belief in a supreme God.
One of my main reasons for not coming out as an atheist, humanist, or agnostic whatever label you might want to give me. Is simply because I don't want to have to deal with the taunts of hell and salvation. I know that my parents love me, as do my brothers. Yet the idea of me telling them that I don't believe in there almighty creator anymore makes me shutter at my core. I can only imagine the ridicule I'd receive, let alone the heartbreak my parents would endure. I don't say these things to disrespect my parents, but to try and open the eyes of the people who may read this. Truth being, their perseverance to re convert me, or “save me” is because they love me! Strangely enough. They truly believe that I am doomed to an eternity of fire and pain. I try my best to look at this, and not say “how blind can you be, but the truth is they are blind! Eyes covered by the traditions and ideals of the church. I say that with all the love I possibly can.
It comes down to truly being deceived. I've battled all these years trying to avoid being deceived by the deceiver, only to be deceived by the deceivers them selves! 04.07.09
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