On a Sunday morning sidewalk . . . I'm wishing Lord that I was stoned

Here I stand in the midst of a congregation praising and worshiping a God that I'm not quite sure I understand or even believe in anymore. All so focused on pure genuine worship, slowly I begin to feel like joining in myself. Having been a believer and experienced this before it reminds me of its benefit. You feel so free in times of worship, it's as if you have somewhere to let go of all your troubles and worries and just focus on God. Now, that doesn't mean that this is the touch of God on my life.(I'm sure my believing readers will interpret it in this way) Or in anyway am I now feeling his presence and considering the error of my ways. Thats not it at all. I'm now looking at this act in a new light, what really makes church and worship such a pleasurable pastime.

Can you imagine attending a church that could just loose the concept of God and just be a group of people all coming together to make each other better people. Being a helping hand in times of need. Being big brothers, and mentors to other kids who need someone in there life. Or a group of people focused on uplifting and helping each other out with finances, home improvements and whatnot. And not focused on religion or having to meet the standards of a jealous God.

There are people lost and alone, with no one else in there lives who live in this never ending guilt that they have failed God. Not being able to come back to the church where they found hope and a scene of belonging because of this judgment. A church without judgment and religious dictatorship could be so much more welcoming to people who need this kind of help. A place of healing, in the most humanist way I can use that term.

I hear and see it all the time but until you have witnessed, or felt it yourself it's hard to recognize it. So many writers and song artists lay it out in the writings and lyrics all the time. Like my good ole friend Johnny Cash. He wrote a song called “Sunday Morning Coming Down” It's a song that has always reminded me of my family both immediate and church. I know it may not be exactly what Mr. Cash was thinking when he wrote it, but the sense of failure and shame seem to be so strong. A sample of what has kept people from the arms of the church family from the beginning. So with that I'll leave you with the chorus, a song that has helped shaped my view of the church family. Cheers! 01.22.09

On a Sunday morning sidewalk,
I'm wishing, Lord, that I was stoned.
'Cause there's something in a Sunday
That makes a body feel alone.
And there's nothing short a' dying
That's half as lonesome as the sound
Of the sleeping city sidewalk
And Sunday morning coming down

~Johnny Cash~

Sunday Morning Coming Down

Is the Apple Red?

For as long as I can remember I have been cursed with this inability to focus. I have always been a pestilence to my Dad, lurking over his shoulder doing daily chorus and always asking the infamous question “ why dad? ” To every direction he gave me I would answer in the same manner. Not because I was uninterested in what he was telling me, or that I didn't want to do what he asked. I just wanted, needed to know why. I have always asked the questions that others passed over or seen it as insignificant.

So why do I call it my curse rather then a blessing of inquisitiveness. It's because of my upbringing, being raised Christian is hard enough on it's own but when your whole belief system relies on the basis of you believing blindly or as the church would call it “having faith” it becomes extremely hard. Especially for someone who wants to question everything, and needs an answer that has some meat to it rather then the ever so over used cliche saying have faith. Faith has always been a problem for me. Having faith just didn't seem to satisfy me. I needed that little bit of extra info, the truth. So what is the truth. Is there a God? Is there a heaven and a hell? Why do children starve? Why do people die everyday from crippling and debilitating diseases. How can caner be in this world if God is all powerful. How can a child loose his parents to an accident. How can a mother loose her child after carrying for 8mhts and there still be an all powerful all knowing God who is full of love? How?

My teacher asked me in kindergarten to pick out a block that had the same colour of an apple. I brought her 4 blocks. Is the apple Red? It all depends on how you see the it. Is God actually what I've been taught? Maybe it's time to look for some other blocks.01.05.09